Trolling

It’s so tempting to dive headfirst into trolling.

Controversy for controversy’s sake.

I’m certainly not immune to it. I know when I’m stressed because I will find myself in random comment sections debating with complete strangers about who knows what.

Arguing FEELS good because I’ve trained my nervous system to believe that the anxiety I’m experiencing will somehow be released if I gain some sense of superiority over another human.

Simple translation:

“You’re wrong. You’re dumb. I’m right. I’m smart.”

“Ahhhh… that’s better. I’ve reassured my sense of survival because if I’m better than RANDO1644 then I must be doing ok in life.”

The problem is it doesn’t last long because I still haven’t done the thing that was causing the anxiety in the first place.

I’m not expecting perfection from myself. I have my moments. Sometimes my days. But it used to be weeks or months.

It used to be my every single day.

Learning to recognize my patterns and how to guide my decision making to improve my productivity, my mood, my ability to maintain, my overall satisfaction, has been a CHALLENGE.

But I believe greatness follows energy. And I want to tap into as much of that energy as I can.

I don’t HAVE to be who I was. I don’t HAVE to be a victim of my childhood, or my previous relationships, or my previous failures. I don’t HAVE to let all that weigh me down.

I can use all of my experience and improve my future every single day.

As long as I’m not too stubborn to change.

And that’s something worth believing in.